Thursday, March 31, 2011

FriENDS, how many of US have THEM?

“Friend is a word we use everyday
Most the time we use it in the wrong way
Now you can look the word up, again and again
But the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of friends
And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help
Because A friend is somebody you judge for yourself
Some are ok, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for being a fool
We like to be with some, because they're funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you're still real close too this very day…”

When I was child, I was blown away by the lyrics to this song; actually, it was the beat that took it for me.  It wasn’t until today that I realized that this particular song speaks volumes beyond anything that I could have imagined. WAIT. Could it be that I am feeling this way because of distance with one of my besties & me? RESUME.  Okay, so I probably am….sue me!  Can someone please explain to me how you go from being BFFs, talking on the phone every day TO become mere associates, and no conversation for over a WHOLE D$%N MONTH?????  Where does that actually happen?  In my life, I guess…..

her: boo, remember when….

me:  boo, how could i forget?  doesn’t it seem like yesterday when….

her:  i know right….

me:  okay….

her:  we should think about moving to the same city to be the black version of “sex in the city”

me:  i haven’t watched it yet, but you know i am game….i love my boos!!!!

This was a basic and typical convo for us; we could talk up to 4 hours at a time…nothing really in general.  It's funny because someone once told me “the people that you connect with in your 20s might not roll over into your 30s”….WAIT. Would this be true for my bestie & me?  I hope not….Life would be bananas without her…I think! RESUME.  What could be the real issue?  Was it something I said?  Something I did or didn’t do?  To say that I am critically confused about the silent treatment would be an understatement; am I suppose to take the first step to re-spark the flame of our friendship? 

These are constant and consistent questions that swim around in my everyday thoughts…SO, once again I ask myself, WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?  To be honest, I have NO EARTHLY idea; maybe once I get over the initial shock of the “IGNORE” button being pressed on me the other day (for one of the first times in 7 years), and the complete silence of our friendship, maybe then I can analyze the situation….until then….this creole soul is STILL WONDERING: FriENDS, how many of US have THEM?

….being a Guillory requires me to continue soul searching….

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Life AS I know IT....

As I sit at my desk, surrounded by a noisy environment, I begin to notice that my life took a sudden turn....possibly a turn that I don't personally like. Life as I know it “ain’t no crystal stair”.  When did small, obsolete issues start to affect me so much? WAIT. Could I actually be turning into one of those petty people who are annoyed by every little possible action in life?  Will people label me now as a totally different person?  Let’s hope not….RESUME.  For instance, I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business(listening to Pandora, of course) and two people decide to overcrowd my desk.

person 1: can you show me what i’m doing wrong?

me:  i have no idea…what did you do?

person 2:  once you help her, can you explain how this step should be handled?

me:  what step did you take before the issue occurred?

**my internal voice is screaming….UGH!!!!!  LEAVE ME ALONG!

Personalities, attitudes, traits; all of these things are throughout my life, and yet, I don’t know how to deal with them.  Its one thing to be attacked by a few, but how do you defend yourself against it all.  The first thought that pops in my mind is to become numb and ignore the remarks, questions, or comments; however, it would probably only make my situation unbearable….

SO, my life as I know it….can stand to have a few repairs(for now)….

Soul searching for a Guillory continues….

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

How the F.R.A.T got ME here....

The first is ALWAYS the hardest....first post, that is.  Who would have thought that an overlooked moment in my life would result in me wanting to openly express my thoughts.WAIT. Is this really happening?  Am I actually wanting to add "BLOGGER" to my resume?  I guess so... RESUME. 

He wasn't the type of guy that I would normally like, but he threw out a challenge.

him: I bet you won't come back to the frat house.

me: I love a challenge; I will be back.

him: I will believe it when I see you.

me:  On my way.

I didn't imagine that 5 years later, I would grow to hate challenges...ALL BECAUSE OF THAT NIGHT!  Within 1,825 days, he challenged my ability to love, live, nurture, expand. WAIT. Can a person actually do that?  Wouldn't the individual have to allow them to control the situation, in a sense?  What is wrong with me??? RESUME.  1,825 days later, I have emptied out every emotion toward him that I possibly know and the only thing I might even feel is a happy numbness.  The relationship ended before I even got started; maybe I just dragged it for past 1,825 days....Well, that chapter is CLOSED, and my blogging adventure is finally OPEN...

Here goes a look into the soul of a Creole Guillory......