Friday, April 29, 2011

The VENTS of the Office.....

Most of the time, I am irritated when I leave my office; well, it seems like today might end a little bit differently.  Let’s start with the first thing:  Today is Administrative Professionals Day.  Please ask me what my office got me!!!  *No, I’ll wait, please ask!*  Yes, you guessed it: NOTHING! The one thing that I am trying to figure out is why I am upset; they say that you should never expect for others to do things for you, even when you bust your butt to make things smooth for them….that would be too much like right, don’t you think?  Now, let me make something clear: I don’t go to work to look for a gift of appreciation on the last Wednesday of April; I work because I want to beat cancer.  However, in the process, I work extra hard to maintain things within the office; there are some nights that I have to bring the headache of work home with me (thank God I am not married; he might divorce me because of work).  I did, however, get treated to lunch by the head of the department; thankful for that but still.  Please tell me how much longer should I keep the office afloat, while feel unappreciated. WAIT. I wish you could see my face right now, while looking at the thoughts that are floating in my brain….How could this actually happen to me?  After all that I do; all the birthdays and special events that I remember for the office???  REALLY!!!!  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RESUME.

**the beginning of this post was wrote on Wednesday, April 27, 2011**

I think this post has become the venting section; I am so tired of dealing with issues within my office.  The sad part is that most of my colleagues don’t understand the frustration in my voice or words.  I thought that your job was suppose to be something that you could enjoy and learn from; not something that stresses you to the point of no return.  One thing I can say is that I am very thankful to God for a job; however, I desire a different position, in a different office, in a different company….a lot, huh?  Three very wise women once told me that I won’t be able to leave this spot until I pass the test that God has for me; guess what: I think I am going to fail.  Failure is not something that sits well with me; I fear failure, so why am I willing to accept it for this particular situation?  A great friend of mine, someone that I consider a sister, told me that when your life seems to be in shambles, it is usually because God is up to something.  She even said that I should consider myself “special” for going through the spiral storm of LIFE!  This has to be one of the hardest test that I have endured thus far; how am I suppose to actually pass it?  It isn’t one of those test that you can study for, receive a guide to prepare you, or even see a sample test; you just have to be prepared for the journey ahead.  WAIT.  A silent prayer needs to be said at this very moment….feeling like you are the only one to understand your situation SUCKS!  UGH….Baby Jesus, be with me!  RESUME.

This must be the one time that being a Guillory or Creole doesn’t make me overlook everything else….

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter Sunday, The New "Spot", & the LIST.....

There is one thing that I love most about my life…the time I spend with my family.  Yesterday was Easter Sunday, so I spent the first part of the day with my entire family; great food, convo, and laughs were CLASSIC.  It was great to enjoy each aunt, uncle, or cousin.  The funny part was I had no idea what God had in store later that day….so, after I made the LONG journey from the country to the city, I received a text message from another fav cousin.  The text simply said “Hungry”?  If you know me, there are two things I can’t turn away from: 1. Great convos with my female cousins & 2. Great laughs & dinner with any fabulous diva.  Our normal “spot” is the local Applebees, but this time I felt the need to spice things up (SO HAPPY I DID).  After a deep and meaningful catch up conversation, my fab cousin, “Doc”,  comes up with a clever thought; why not create a list of some of the stupid and idiotic things some men have said….WAIT. Would this be a great idea?  How would people perceive the list?  You know what, I don’t care.  These are comments that we have heard; life lessons of what not to listen to again. RESUME

During a choked up (from laughter) dinner at Red Lobster, “Doc” & I produced the Top 10 Stupid & Idiotic Male Quotes (SN: The title is not the original title; it had to be tweaked just a bit…if you know Doc & I, you can only IMAGINE what the REAL title is…LOL).  Well, here goes nothing; oh yeah, these aren’t in the correct top order….just from random thought.)

  1. “I got a baby in Orlando & one in Florida”….WAIT. Isn’t Orlando in Florida???  WOW. RESUME.
  2. “I’m ‘gon’ sex her, but I love you”…WAIT. Dude, you don’t love me, her, or your damn self…UGH. RESUME.
  3. “I’m not in a relationship” WAIT. Why am I looking at your profile on Facebook and your status says “In A Relationship” while you tell the lie that you aren’t.  Isn’t that your profile picture of your signature pose?  REALLY?  WHERE DO THEY DO THAT IT?  Social Networks….RESUME.
  4. “I have been trying to buy a car since 1995; so in the meantime, can you come pick me up?” WAIT. The current year is 2011…ARE YOU SERIOUS???? RESUME.
  5. “Women, y’all got 1 egg and we got a whole lot of sperm.  This is why y’all need 1 man and we need a lot of women”. WAIT.  Where do some men come up with this?  I am still laughing…RESUME.
  6. “We are separated right now, but we are still living together for the kids.” WAIT. Let me get this straight, you are separated, but still live like the married couple that you are?  Who do I look like to you? Miss me with that one….RESUME.
  7. “To be honest, I have never said anything dumb to a female.”  WAIT.  This statement alone is a lie…LOL!  Thanks Marcus for this one! RESUME.
  8. “I’m married but you can be my main chick outside of my wife.”  WAIT.  Isn’t your wife the MAIN CHICK?  Thanks Martha for this one! RESUME.
  9. “Emotionally, I am not ready for a committed relationship, but can we keep the physical part?” WAIT. No comment….SMDH! RESUME.
  10. “Maybe I would be in the mood for sex if you would cook more.” WAIT. What does that have to do with anything?  What if your meal was given by your performance?  RESUME.

Bonus (2)

  1. “The reason we go to the white women is because black women talk too much.”  WAIT.  With a line like that, we don’t want you anyways.  Once again, SMDH. RESUME.
  2. “You know who took up the slack after my black wife divorced me?  White….That’s why I’m looking for a new woman….in the nursing homes.  WAIT. *blank stares* RESUME.

This list COULD NOT be made up even if Doc & I tried; the reality of this list is that some men say stupid and idiotic things….NOT ALL MEN, just SOME!  The more I read this list, it made me wonder why we as women even deal with this nonsense.  I love men and their being (Mr. Game Plan stays on my mind), yet some make me SMDH.  I never told Doc this, but I wonder what other women have experienced and if they could name a few to create a bigger list…..*mind is NOW in thinking mode*

Just because I am a Guillory doesn’t mean that I don’t still experience life…..

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The ART of MOURNing....

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  ~ The Wonder Years.  I believe that whoever stated that mourning isn’t an art lied to themselves; this past weekend, I witnessed mourning at its best.  As mentioned last week, my grandfather passed.  During my 2 hour journey to be with my family on Friday, I began to replay my fondest memories with my stepmother’s family.  My Texarkana family never lets me down; from stories, laughter, to continued laughter, I enjoyed every visit possible.  Each family member was unique and special to me; some were quiet mannered, while others were vocal in all aspects.  It’s funny how all of that flew out the window when I arrived at Lou and PaPa’s house.  I wasn’t sure how the weekend would play out; I wasn’t even sure how to comfort any of the individuals in the house.  To my surprise, the walk to the back door felt just like the old days….warm & inviting.  WAIT. I remember my stepmother saying to another relative that anyone who wasn’t family or not a regular visitor would attempt to enter through the front door; this weekend was the 1st time that I really EVER used the front door….all the action happened coming through the back door. RESUME

Somehow, family must have been reading my mind:  Whenever you have deep thoughts, a trip to get a mani/pedi is ALWAYS the trick!  During the drive,  I heard a song that I must have been dodging since the album arrived on the scene…the new Kirk Franklin.  Of course, the single “I Smile” came on….

I smile, even though I'm hurt see I smile,
I know God is working so I smile,
Even though I've been here for a while
I smile, smile..
it's so hard to look up when you look down.
I sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you smile, so smile.”

REALLY???  Could this song not come at a more perfect time; even during the moments of mourning, God still wanted my family to SMILE….the question was: would we realize this?    The services for PaPa were beautiful; mournful, yet beautiful.  Beautiful moments happen for beautiful people.  My art of mourning came from an abundance of tears, smiles, and happy memories; others expressed their goodbyes differently.  Either way, we all said our “Goodbyes” to PaPa the best we knew how; needless to say once the day was over, I begin to admire and appreciate the art of mourning.  Mourning is the emotional state of letting go of a situation; in this case, it was my family’s verbal way of holding on to the memories of a great man.

Whoever said that a Creole Soul couldn’t cry…well, they lied….

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Strength of Encouragement

Encouragement can pop up in life in all various forms; it can be in a letter, arrive through an article, be spoken by a good friend, or presented by the voice of God.  Throughout the last couple of weeks, I have pondered the definition “to be encouraged”….what does it really mean to be in that state of mind?  Tests, trials, and tribulations seem to have become a unique routine within my life; most I can handle, but at times the rest seems too much to consume.  Growing up, I would always hear the elders say “God never gives you more than you can handle; He is with you always”.  Now, I can admit, I wasn’t the type, as a child, to heed these words.  It wasn’t until the emotions of life started to hit me that I began to be reminded of wisdom. 

Life doesn’t seem to have much meaning if you don’t realize that God loves you; encouragement should come from within too.  Due to how I feel about being encouraged, I have decided to get my third tattoo.  I haven’t decided if the tattoo will say “Be EnCOURAGEd” or “Stay EnCOURAGEed”….either one still sends a daily and personal message to me.  Sometimes you need those constant reminders of the most important things in life; however you received the encouragement is alright with me…..JUST AS LONG AS YOU RECEIVE IT!!!!!!!

This Creole Soul has to go home to do some soul searching and clean up….

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Until DEATH do US part...

Marriage is a union that no one should ever take lightly; to have a soulmate has to be the most uplifting experience of a lifetime.  My grandparents would have been married for over 50 plus years; however, God saw fit to call a great man home. “PaPa” finished his earthly duties last Friday, fighting all the way until the end.  The emotional state of a human being during moments as such can take a lot out of a person.  When I received the news, my heart skipped a beat; I couldn’t believe that PaPa was actually gone.  My next thought was “Am I allowed to be sad over this lost?” or “Even though I am only his step granddaughter, was I given the “OK” to shed tears?” 

As strange as that may sound, those were my actual feelings; I had only known him for the last 15 years of my life.  I begin to think about the mental states of my stepmom, dad, uncles, aunts, cousins, and mostly my grandmother, Lou.  These were the individuals that spent their entire lives with this great man; they shared family reunions, holidays, sporting events, deep conversations, etc.  I have to tell you, if you ever met this couple, you would instantly fall in love.  Lou & PaPa were the type of couple that all married couple should have aspired to be; they truly loved each other….WAIT. Will this type of love ever come to be?  What does it feel like to lose a love like such? RESUME.  I can only imagine the emotional disbelief that my grandmother is feeling right now; how do you honestly say “goodbye” to someone that has shared a bed with you for over 50 years; someone who helped you raise children & grandchildren; someone who knows you almost better than God; someone that has wiped away tears, while placing smiles on your face; someone who held your hand through all situations, no matter the circumstance; someone who stand before God & others to profess their love for you.  I can imagine that Lou & PaPa took these particular words to their true form:

“to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part,
according to God's holy ordinance”

My heart goes out to Lou; I pray that God grants her strength through these moments, always remembering the love of her soulmate.  I think about my stepmom, dad, uncles & aunts; I pray that they cherish the memories of their dad.  I extend my thoughts to my cousins; I pray that they accept & apply the lessons that were given.  As for me, I pray that God gives me the wisdom to be there for my family on Saturday.  There is nothing like a funeral when it hits close to home…..

Rest in Peace PaPa!  This Creole Soul will surely miss your smile, laughter, welcoming arms, and mostly your warm heart!!!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Dime Piece or The "27 Piece"...

Walking down the hall toward my office, a popular Black theme song pops up in my head; it would possibly stem from the emotional rollercoaster conversation that I had last night.

“Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.”

These words got me to thinking about being a “type”; I was told last night that basically I haven’t been so successful in securing a man is because I am not a “dime piece”.  WAIT.  What is an actual dime piece?  What happened to the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” or “outer beauty may fade fast, but inner beauty last forever”…does this mean that I’m not cute????  RESUME.  These are some of the internal thoughts that ran through my mind all night; I couldn’t even sleep, so to speak.  Could I really be facing the crossroads of being cute or ugly?  First off, the word “ugly” happens to be ugly to me; strangely enough, I never try to call another person ugly.  Beauty will NEVER be ugly; however, it’s the action of that person that could be.

So, I decided to research what a dime piece means to most; I was surprised at my findings.  A slang dictionary refers to a “dime piece” (noun) as an attractive female; "10". From a dime being worth 10 cents.   It even mentioned that famous actress, Halle Berry, was considered a “dime piece”….WAIT. Didn’t Halle Berry go through 2 divorces and an ugly custody battle with her former boyfriend/baby’s father.  If this “dime piece” has suffered through those relationship barriers, doesn’t that mean something?  Doesn’t it mean that even though the world considers Ms. Berry a “dime piece”, there are 3 men who obviously think otherwise??  RESUME.  Okay, now, I believe that Halle is a gorgeous woman and I am NOT trying to compete with her or any other woman, for that matter.  I just want to continue to be me, the “27 piece”….now, for most Black women, this would be referred to as a “selection of 27 pieces of human hair, used to construct short Quick Weaves”.  For me, being a “27 piece” means a lot more; it means that there are at least 27 factors that structure me to be an amazing person.  The last time I checked, 27 > 10…

Because of my office bestie and my office counselor, I decided to compile a list of 27 things I love about myself….

  1. I am like no other.
  2. I love God, my family, and friends.
  3. I am able to admit my fears in life.
  4. I always strive to be the best I can be.
  5. I love to work with others (at times…LOL).
  6. My hair is back to its natural state of being curly.
  7. I’m enjoying loving the skin I’m in.
  8. Fake isn’t my middle name nor does it play a role in my character.
  9. I can become moody when I am trying to make something “perfect”.
  10. Growth has become a strong point for me.
  11. I try not to make excuse for anything that I do.
  12. Making people smile makes me smile.
  13. Saying “No” is hard for me at times; well, it depends on what the situation is J
  14. Cooking isn’t my strong point; however, I love to learn.
  15. My top charity that I hold dear to my heart is the UNCF.
  16. I am thankful that I graduated from Lane College.
  17. There is nothing better for me than my sisters of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
  18. I have a heavy passion for the youth; they are a true future.
  19. I try to “reflect on the past, focus on the present, & prepare for the future”.
  20. FAM is the reunion that I never really want to miss.
  21. When I go back home to Louisiana, I feel like those are moments I can relax.
  22. My eyes are light brown, but you can only tell in the sun or direct light.
  23. I wouldn’t trade my God, family, or friends.
  24. I aspire to become the best litigator in my generation.
  25. Toothpaste makes me nauseous every morning.
  26. I miss all of my family and friends that have gone on before me.
  27. If I had not been told that I wasn’t a “dime piece”, I would have not figured out that being the “27 piece” was SO much better!

This list can’t and won’t compare to my internal emotions, ones that can’t and won’t be really express during this time.  One thing to remember in life, you can’t make someone move to the beat of your drum….each stroke, beat, and note is different.

This Guillory is listening to “in a sentimental mood” by Duke Ellington & John Coltrane…so soothing for a moment as such.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Journey of the PERSONAL STATEMENT...(Part 1)

Since writing my blog, I have grown to capture life like an actual storybook; I examine each part of life and find something meaningful to talk about.  For example, I have started to think about my law school personal statement.  This 2-3 page document could be the gateway to a lifetime of fulfillment.  There are so many things that I could express in this statement; I JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN…..

me:  what should I focus on when producing my personal statement?

him:  discuss who you are, where you came from, & where you want to end up

me:  I am so nervous; these words could make or break my chances

him:  you have to uplift yourself to be reveal what we see

me:  make myself jump off the page, basically….

One thing that I can admit is my fear of failure….I have never wanted God, my family, or friends to be ashamed for the work that I have done in life.  I can’t really say that their opinions matter, but it somehow matters (especially God).  I can’t believe that my life has come to the point where I am no longer able to teeter totter about decisions; I have to be firm on the choices ahead of me.  WAIT. Am I really writing this personal statement?  Will I finally be called “Esquire”?  If only my last name would change….LOL; just kidding (for now)!  RESUME.     Okay, so I guess it’s time to continue on this journey called “writing”…Southern University, Howard University, or Vanderbilt University, here I come….

A Guillory pursuing law….is society really ready??????  Only time will tell…..

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Mr. Game Plan

It amazes me how my dreams haunt me for days, to say the least; Mr. Game Plan has entered them once again.  Here is some brief background on the friendship of Mr. Game Plan & I:

  • We have known each other well over 10 years
  • We both attended colleges in the 36th biggest state in the USA
  • We each love the letters P&G
  • We come from very large families
  • We both have a love for classic movies
  • We enjoy giving back to others

Look, this list could probably continue; actually, I can’t even believe that I am saying this much.  During a period in my life when love wasn’t expressed, Mr. Game Plan came into my thought process like an instant blink.  His charismatic swag catches me off guard at times; he reminds me of lyrics from Jazmine Sullivan’s cd

“Excuse me if I'm sounding crazy
But if you've been ohh
(what I've been hopin' and waiting for)
I've searched all around but there's nobody else in the world
Love me like you do. “

To say that he is a guy that I would love to date and pursue other things with = UNSTATEMENT!  WAIT. Why am I nervous writing this piece?  What is it about him that makes me gitty, nervous, excited, sad, and confused all at one time?  Is this a good or bad sign? RESUME.     Remember back in the day when you crushed over a guy so hard; it seemed like the world wouldn’t turn for anything.  He was the first thing you thought about in the morning and the last thing you thought of at night; you would play MASH, while checking to see what your percentage of TRUE LOVE would be.  All of your close girlfriends would make up baby names for you and the crush; and don’t let your fav song come on the radio…can we say REQUEST LINE!!!!!!  Crushes, at one point, seemed to go out of style for me; I assumed that I was too old to be crushing after a guy.  However, it’s something about Mr. Game Plan that makes me rethink the term “crush”.  Is having a crush that far fetched?  While having a crush, should you tell them how you feel?  Or do you hold back the desire to be more?  Are you suppose to remain in the background while another claims the prize?  Or take that risk and try to play the game, gambling all that you have? 

I guess this Creole girl should come up with a ‘game plan” to get Mr. Game Plan……

to be continued….

Friday, April 1, 2011


Once again, I have decided to take steps to lose, control, and maintain my weight; here's how it all started....

counselor:  you should think about being a Alpha Deb…

me:  i know no other way to go….it runs in my family

counselor:  fill out this application and let’s get you presented to the world

me:  boy oh boy, i can’t wait to find my white gown….

Before you know it, I am whisked away by my dear ma, off to begin the shopping experience of a lifetime (little did I know, this experience would be AMAZING!).  Due to not being about to find a dress in my size, I found the best photo possible.  The dress was perfect, except for ONE thing:  I had to pray I could fit into a dress one size too small by December (it was August…ugh).  WAIT. Did I mention that I was an incoming freshman at an HBCU?  Can we say that it was more pressure added…UGH!!!  RESUME.  My number one motivation was fitting into this dress; an added motivation came when my boyfriend (a Navy Seal) dumped me that September…OPERATION WEIGHT LOSS BEGAN!  Every day, around 9 pm, I would walk down to the local track and come back to walk the entire campus.  I can’t remember how many laps I would walk on that track or campus, but I was determined to be a better me.  In the beginning, it probably started off just wanting to release the anger from the breakup, but toward the end, it became more than that.  It only took about a month before I gained a nickname; “The Walking Girl”….I even got proposals out of the guy’s dorm from windows….WOW!!!

Of course, when the day of my fitting came, I was a little too small for the dress (imagine that, huh!). I was boyfriend-less, a few pounds lighter, and days away from the biggest moment in life….it felt great to be a smaller me.  SO, why am I losing weight now?  Well, you should have probably figured out by now that the motivation died when I joined a sorority, received leadership positions, and started traveling (all of this in my undergraduate years…boy, I was a busy lady).  I am hoping that my motivation will present itself once again; the same situations have appeared again, so I can only hope for the same results….the only difference: I have my office besties to stand by me….It’s always good to have a supporting team; back then I had fellow students (plus, the proposals were a nice touch….LOL) and now I have my girls.  Each of us, determined to make changes, have our own personal reasons for the change.  To say the least, I am so proud of the besties; how many people do you know see a need within themselves and you and extend the offer to make it happen?

WAIT. Is this an April Fool’s Day Joke?  Am I really prepared for the evolution of a NEW ME?  I guess so…. RESUME.  Bottom line:   There will be NO “WEIGHTING” Around for change; my change begins TODAY!

Exercising this creole soul might do a Guillory some good…..