My Christmas Thoughts....FUNNY while SERIOUS

Christmas, on a general calendar, only comes once a year.  It’s the time of year that I enjoy the smell of fresh pine (okay, maybe I am just making mention to that….I really don’t like the smell of fresh pine; it just sounded nice), making my “never kept” New Year’s Resolutions (hey, who does anyways…I know I’m NOT the only one that doesn’t), and reflecting on all the blessings that God has given to me.  It also is a time where Boyz II Men “Let It Snow”, Donny Hathaway “This Chirstmas”, and The Temptations “Silent Night” are constantly blasted on every African American based radio station, music television station, and many iPod’s and Pandora stations; music has become a part of my Christmas experience.  Above all else, when I think of Christmas, I think of Baby Jesus and his beginning journey called “birth”.  My mind begins to wonder how things actually worked back then, like:

1.     1.   Did Mary ever get hot with all of that long clothing?  She seemed to be young in age, but does anyone really know what type of material her clothing was made out of? 

2.     2.   From state to state, how long was the actually journey for Mary and Joseph?  Did Joseph ever think about soaking his feet from that long walk….keep in mind that Mary rode on the donkey and Joseph walked the whole way.  His shoe of choice wasn’t a Nike, Puma, or Adidas, so it makes me think…

3.    3.    How often did the 3 Wise Men get lost?  It seems that they traveled mostly at night, seeing that they were guided by the “star”.  However, what do I know….in all of my 28 years of living, I have always been told that the Wise Men saw Baby Jesus on the night of his birth; yet, I just found out that they actually met Toddler Jesus instead…Go figure! Most nativity scenes included them and they weren’t even there….BOY!

4.    4.    Was there ever a baby shower for Mary and Baby Jesus?  Every woman knows that a baby shower is just what you need during your pregnancy; it’s a time for you and your close friends and family to celebrate the little miracle soon to arrive.  Those baby games, gifts, and food would be one to imagine.

5.   5.     What kind of skin did Baby Jesus have?  Think about it:  He was born outside, with only a blanket to keep him warm.  So, was he too hot or too cold while outside during that time in history?  Bonus thought:  Did Mary place a quarter on Baby Jesus’ navel to have an “inney”? 

While I think of these unanswered questions, I begin to go ponder if I’m really focusing on the right things for Christmas.  Rev. Kelly taught us last Sunday that the one person who should be receiving gifts from us probably doesn’t; it is Christ’s birthday, so should he get a few gifts from us???  My question, during the sermon (that I thought to myself, seeing that isn’t a “Raise your hand and ask a question” sermon…more of a “I preach/teach and you take notes”) was “What do you get for a man who has everything and has the power to give you everything?”  Before I could think further, Rev Kelly got a message from God to answer my question…HA!  He told us to, basically, give the gift of your Time, Effort, Thanksgiving, and Praise.  At that very moment, I started to create a list of how I would start and/or continue to give these gifts throughout the many days, months, and years to come.

1.       I vow to gift my time to God, family, my church, friends, those in need and myself.  I will take the time to read my Bible more, or volunteer at a local shelter.  I will gift my time with my new girls’ group at church, the g.i.r.l.s @ the Rock and continue to give my “Boos” free Wash & Roller Sets.  I will try to make more time for myself, even though that can be difficult for me.

2.       I vow to give continued effort to make it to Sunday School each Sunday.  I can remember when Cousin Sheryl would try to get me to come to Sunday School and I would brush it off.  It wasn’t until one of my favorite uncles, Uncle Ricky, told me that the only payment for helping me move was to come to Sunday School.  I started out for my first time coming because I wanted to keep my promise to him.  It was only after church that day I realized that I would come the following Sunday for a promise I would make to God.  For those of you that don’t attend, you don’t know what you are missing.  Classroom #2 aka, Uncle Ricky’s class has the most interesting, motivating, and encouraging discussion.  PAUSE: I would like to take this time to give a quick shout out to my teacher and classmates: Uncle Ricky, Mr. Mike, Dwayne, Ma, Sis. Kelly, Andrew, Ms. McDonald, Stacy Moultree, Ms. Donna, Dorian & Van…hope I didn’t miss anyone.

3.       I vow to show thanksgiving on a daily basis.  The blessings that I see each day are new and sometimes unexpected.  I will continue to give God “Thanks” for “Giving” me things, even when I am not worthy.  Marvin Sapp wrote it best, “In Everything, Give Him Thanks”….Pain, Joy, Laughter, Hurt, Love, etc…Give Him “Thanks”

4.       I vow to praise God anyhow.  No matter what I go through, I have to continue to give God praise.  When you are faced with adversity, PRAISE HIM.  When you get a raise at work, PRAISE HIM.  When you are overlooked to be the girlfriend/boyfriend of John/Jane Doe, PRAISE HIM.  When you ace your finals, PRAISE HIM.  When you lose a job, PRAISE HIM.  When don’t know what else to do, PRAISE HIM.  You see, the beauty of PRAISING HIM is this:  He will always know that you love Him in spite of, just likes He loves you in spite of.  God will always know that no matter what test He takes you through, you will always have a VICTOROUS testimony because your PRAISED HIM anyhow.

Here’s how I look at it:  By giving God these few small gifts, I am saving money, gift wrapping skills, bows, and numerous hours looking for Christmas cards that never quite say what I feel.  So, as Kirk Franklin & the Family reminds us that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season”, we should all try to do as Johnny Gill and “Give Love on Christmas Day”.  I’m wishing you all, as the FAB Quincy Jones puts it a “Soulful Chirstmas”

Grease Stains & Weddings DON'T MIX....

As always, my social calendar is FULL; weekend after weekend, I usually attend functions that Little Rock elite attend. WAIT.  Let me not even go there; this isn’t RHOA, BBW, or LaLa’s Full Court.  I’m an average chick with a magnitude of friends; I am really blessed to never meet a stranger.  I try my best to divide my time amongst everyone, so this event was no different…I felt really bad that I missed my Soror’s wedding the weekend before; however, I was involved with back to back day events for my church, so I was dead tired (I still feel bad and that was almost 2 weeks ago). RESUME.   This past Saturday was my dear friend’s wedding; she and I met through mutual friends and have remained good friends since.  Here’s the thing that I absolutely LOVE about my friends: We don’t have to always talk every day to have a good relationship; once we hook back up, it like we never lost touch.  So, for MONTHS, I searched for the perfect red dress (intensified PINK, as I love to call it), only to end up with a FAB pink dress.  The shopping experience for this dress was amazing; I hooked up my girl, Dee, for a fun and fierce evening of shopping…(she is the Queen of TJMaxx; she has bold & electric fashion knowledge, making our trip even better).  Of course, through our back & forth disagreements, many people took us to be sisters (which is a great thing…we have almost been friends for a year, yet we vibe well.  She is truly one of my Pughs).  Needless to say, I didn’t find anything in TJMaxx, and you guessed it: Dee did!!!!!  I decided that it was time to kick the journey to a store that I hoped would bring me luck in style and savings: Old Navy.  It was here that I found the most simple, yet stylish dress; all that was missing was a wide black belt, ring/bracelet, and a FAB statement piece. 

So, let’s get to the actually wedding day…I didn’t get much rest the night before due to a slumber party that I had with my niece. WAIT. My niece is 2 years old and she WORE ME OUT!  I have to surely think long and hard about having a child right now; children are beautiful little blessings, but it can be hard when it’s just you.  RESUME.  Looking at the clock, I notice that I only had exactly 3 hours to complete my look, shower, makeover my face, and get out of the house.  My favorite wedding song to play is “4evermore” by Anthony David; it’s a classic song and I have it on continued repeat whenever I am hyping myself up for a wedding…I don’t know, it puts me in a “wedding” mood.  Finally, I made it out of the house, and hit the freeway to the church.  I made it there with 15 minutes to spare, which is a good thing (I tend to always be late for events…I don’t know why; I attend too many to have this behavior).  As I walk into the church, I realize two things:

1.       I am supposed to be walking into this wedding with a date.  Rodney had agreed to accompany me to the wedding, but it seemed that all of that changed.  My friend was looking forward to meeting him, yet it didn’t turn out that way…

2.       Another woman has on my SAME EXACT DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How could this be, is what I am thinking????  WAIT. I had to mentally slap myself because it wasn’t like I was wearing a Nicole McGehee original or something…child, this was an Old Navy dress (with at least 4 locations in the surrounding Central Arkansas area) RESUME.  Her dress was paired with a green belt and navy pumps, while mine detailed a wide black belt and classic black platform heels.

The wedding was SIMPLY BREATHTAKING; and it ACTUALLY started on the DOT!  Most African American weddings have a slight delay of 5 minutes to an hour, depending on so many factors (bridal party, minister, wedding coordinator, lost wedding bands and/or licenses, etc).  The bride was FAB & FIERCE, while the groom was HANDSOME & HAPPY; a couple that I can truly say I admire.  Okay, so the wedding is over and I proceed to follow the crowd outside; I see some family and many friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.  We discussed heading to the reception and make a beeline for our vehicles.   While driving, I’m thinking about the sea of handsome gentlemen that attended the wedding, wondering if I would be bold enough to do a complete “cutie run” at my friend’s wedding; yeah, I was setting my action plan up for a night of FOOD, FUN, and FOUR HOURS OF BLISS.  I finally make it to the parking garage of a downtown hotel; I check the mirror, noticing that my lips needed to be revamped.  Being lazy and not getting my lip supplies out of my truck, I grab the first thing I see in the car: Carmex.  I normally don’t use this product, but I needed a quick fix....and WHAT DID I DO THAT FOR???  As soon as I open the top and placed it on my lips, the melted liquid fell on my dress.  Can we say CRUSHED?  I quickly open some bottled water and pat my dress, but to no avail, it didn’t come out….I had to make a decision that is STILL bothering me to this day:  Pull out of the parking garage and leave the wedding reception behind.  Was my Prince Charming waiting for me there?  Probably not…WAIT. We don’t know that for sure, so let’s rule this one as a possibility. RESUME.   Was the food and custom cake delicious?  Probably so…  Was the DJ spinning the hottest tunes?   I wouldn’t doubt it…    Was I supposed to partake in the celebration of my dear friend and her new hubby?  I had hoped so, but it didn’t work out that way…. L

There you have it, my FAB wedding experience in a nutshell; I have never attended a wedding solo, and I can truly say that I don’t want to again.  I wonder if this would have happened if Rodney had  taken me to the wedding; probably not because he has tinted windows and my lip supplies would have been strategically behind my seat.  Dang it…

well, this creole guillory will be armed and ready for the next wedding

The FINAL Quarter with the COACH.....

I thought that it would be a friendship to last until the end of time; a friendship that could possibly blossom to a fulfilling relationship; a friendship that I would cherish forever….BOY, I was wrong.  Let me first start by saying that I am so thankful for the friendship and experience; I don’t know if it’s one that I would like to have again, but it surely taught me something.  Here’s the thing:  I lived in a fantasy world; I wanted something that I clearly couldn’t have.  No, I’m not talking about him being married, having a girlfriend, or anything of that nature; I mean he might not have been emotionally ready.  To be honest, I have battling for a while to even write the words…doesn’t it seem like when you see them on paper, they tend to become more of a reality. 

Take for instance, “Just Wright”(the movie)…remember in the beginning when Leslie (Queen Latifah’s character) went out on a date with Mark Matthews ( Laz Alonso’s character) and everything seemed to be going GREAT…until she mentioned the magical words…”Let’s hang out again”.  He quickly shot out, “I’m not emotional ready” and “You’re good people”, when just moments ago, he was feeding her off of his fork and showing her quite a bit of emotions. WAIT. For a while, I have mirrored my life as me being Leslie Wright because of Mr. Game Plan; thinking that my Mr. Wrong had to surely come first in order for Mr. Game Plan, ie “Scott McKnight”, to take notice later down the road…and you see where that got me.  Now, here, a year later and it looks like Coach has become Mark Matthews; how did this even happen?  Where was I when all of this was going on?  Did I really live in “la la” land this WHOLE TIME????  Dang it…UGH! RESUME. 

My mind is so confused, I am struggling for words to even discuss this; how could I have not seen the signs?  I know….BECAUSE THEY WERE IN FRONT OF MY EYES, YET HIDDEN.  Okay, so you ask how can that be so; well, I saw what I wanted.  I have always heard people say “Actions speak louder than words”…a statement that I lived by until now.  He was attentive and caring, a man’s man; he was all that I felt that I needed and wanted in a guy…yet, he TOLD me that he wanted to take things slow and have a friendship…BUT he showed signs that he really liked me.  WAIT.  It looks like I READ WAY TOO MUCH into the actions…dang relationship advice…*shakes my head*. RESUME.   My emotions have gotten the best of me; I have pondered, debated, questioned, and challenged our last conversation together.  I may never fully understand why I wasn’t the top pick for the Coach; 9 times out of 10, I’m not supposed to know.  I truly believe that God gave me the desires of my heart for a reason; He placed the Coach in my life to show me that there are some good men out there, with qualities that I need and even want…however, the Coach wasn’t meant for me.  Whenever we have doubt about what God can do, He will show you that He is still in control.  To say that my faith in being found by real love is restored is an UNDERSTATEMENT; I fully believe that Mr. Right will be “Just Wright” for me….

So, before I end this emotional piece, I have compiled a list of things to remember when your “Mr. Right Now” doesn’t choose you:

1.       Believe that God has a better plan for your life…The Coach wasn’t the one for me, but he taught me to never be anyone that I am not.  If I had done anything differently with the Coach, I wouldn’t have been true to myself or him.  Meeting and dating him was NOT by mistake, nor was it a mistake.

2.       Continue to build your brand…Brands, to me, are movements that impact lives; the best brand to build is yourself.  Each day, we have to show and sell our brand to those we met; some will invest and others will walk away…but guess what:  There will be that one person that will be committed to investing a LIFETIME in your brand, so continuing developing the brand that God has given you.

3.       LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE….I have said this once before, but LIVE life to the fullest, LAUGH even when you can’t, and LOVE with no regret (okay, so maybe those aren’t the exact words I said before, but you get the drift…LOL).

4.       Dust your feet off and get back to dating…I won’t allow this one unique experience to stop me from my dating life; 6 months is a long time to know someone, and I just have to store those 6 months in a different file and start a new folder.  If I ever write a book, this chapter would be called, “My Like Affair with the Coach”

5.       Make a playlist of songs that will get you through….My playlist had sad songs, anthems, and gospel tracks.  Here is a brief list of some songs that I had (and sometimes still do) on REPEAT:

a.       “Rolling in the Deep”-Adele

b.      “I Was Here”-Beyonce

c.       “I’ve Been That Girl” & “Break Down These Walls”-Melanie Fiona

d.      “Hurts Like Hell”-Aretha Franklin

e.      “My Testimony” Marvin Sapp

f.        “Thing Called Us”-Hamilton Park

g.       “Good Enough”-Jazmine Sullivan

h.      “Just The Lonely Talking Again”-Whitney Houston

i.        “Great is Your Mercy”-Donnie McClurkin

j.        “Climax”-Usher

k.       “Will I Ever”-Lyfe Jennings

this creole guillory is awaiting to write the next chapter; this time, i will make sure to allow God to be the author and i’ll be the co-author

My 1st "Anny"....

On the way back home to Louisiana, I began to think back to a year ago; during that time, I was faced with a smart decision to start my own blog…in the beginning, I didn’t know what I would write about or how often I would write.  I just knew I wanted to get my emotions and thoughts out for the world to see.  I wasn’t sure where my words would take me, but I am so thankful I decided to call myself a “blogger”.  Within a year’s time, I have embarked upon so many great people, opportunities, and challenges; I pushed myself to higher heights and fought great fights.  I can honestly say that I am a better person because of my first post; since March 29, 2011, here are some of my adventures….

1.       I FINALLY said goodbye to my EX of 5 years….He was the main reason that I started the blog; I just knew I was ready for a change and by venting about him, I began to realize what great potential I had.  Thanks T. Murphy for telling me to my face that you never really loved me; had it not been for that moment, I would have NEVER considered my own playground called “the creole soul of a guillory”.

2.       I have a recurring feature in an online magazine….Writing for a magazine is a HUGE deal for me; back in high school, I knew that I loved to write.  My life coach gave me the inspiration to put my work out there and pursue my passion for writing.  As of today, I have pitched my blog to 3 different online magazines throughout the US; I write for one of them, while another one is reviewing/considering me.  The local online magazine editor stated that he loved my work, but there wasn’t a section fit for me at the time…it’s okay though, I have to start somewhere and I don’t plan to stop!

3.       I explored the WORLD OF DATING… Listen, I was surprised by the emotions and challenges of dating.  Valuable lessons were learned throughout this last year; lessons that I have written about in my blog.  Memorable lessons would include: “If a guy tells you, in so many words, that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, BELIEVE HIM!”, “Taking it slow is always a great step, while never forgetting to LOVE YOURSELF”, or “Take a risk at relationships; you NEVER know what is ahead of you”.  Sad to say, but my dating record doesn’t look to bright right now, but I am okay with that…the right guy will surely come along when I least expect it; until then, I will SMILE and be SINGLE.

4.       The famous “Things that Men Say” list was created… Doc is one of my best friends, while being family; our girl talk is the highlight of my weeks.  We tend to have certain “spots” that we visit for dinner, thus creating the list.  Trust me, this list COULD NOT be made up…all are true experiences that women have been through.  Each time I read the lists, I break down and cry from laughter; if you haven’t read them, I suggest you find them on the blog and get yourself a laugh J

5.       I lost my Paw Paw, celebrated the life of my best friend(Ms. Terrye), got a new position, started a new girls youth organization, moved into a new place, began to attend Sunday School, and introduced a new chapter into my book called Life... Yeah, that was a lot in one year; I can’t believe I experienced all of that, plus more.  Each day produced new challenges and I wouldn’t change any of it….

So, there you have it; a year jammed pack with more adventures to last some a lifetime…BUT NOT ME!  I’m just getting started.  I am so thankful for the many blessings that God has given to me and those around me…I have a great support system and a loving fan base…I thank you all for always sharing in my life with me.  Within a year, I have had thousands of views of my work; it just motivates me to push harder in the next year.  Trust me, there will be more “Things Men/Women Say” lists, overview of LC Homecomings, Chapters of Dating(I think…lol), and much much more!  Words will never express how I feel having the title “blogger”…I hope you continue on the ride, because I promise I will be right there with you for the entire journey…Until March 2013 for my next yearly update!

Let the "CONVERSATION" begin.....

If you know me, I am a HUGE supporter of Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) & the United Negro College Fund (UNCF), especially my beloved Lane College.  Most HBCU students are like a unique rose growing through a concrete sidewalk; most have a hard time imagining something so beautiful blooming out of a hard slab (most HBCUs are located in the heart of the urban neighborhoods…go figure, huh?).  Throughout my years at Lane, I came across some beautiful and talented scholars; for the most part, I am still friends with them through Facebook, phone calls, emails, and other social avenues.  I have witnessed many of us pursuing our own business ventures; whether it be swimwear, jewelry, clothing appeal, blogs, shoes, etc…our individual journeys at Lane propelled us to make such achievements. 

Take for instance, my good friend, Shonquita Parrish; for those that know her, she goes by “Quita”. Quita and I met while we were students at Lane; I can’t really remember if it was during class, in the café, CMAC, or chapel…it might have even been a meeting on the strip (for those who LOVED Lane, you know the “strip” was the spot…any and all things could take place there; flat tires, fights, probates, love connections, etc).  Her personality makes you love her, point blank point! (She’s a Delta…one of the many Deltas that I admire from Lane, even though most think that AKAs and Deltas can’t get along)  Quita is a QUEEN (not Jack) of all trades;  she works your average 9-5, finding time to create custom quick weaves/sew ins,  all while jumpstarting her new business called ‘Conversation Pieces’.  Ladies, I have seen her work, and I already have my order in the works; where can you get custom, handmade pieces at a low, affordable price?  Oh, and let me mention that all pieces are fashionable; most pieces are one of a kind, classy, with a bit of sex appeal to them.  I haven’t fully asked Quita what was her inspiration for starting her own business, but I’m pretty sure she might tell me that having “CEO” behind her name was motivation enough.  I believe that ‘Conversation Pieces’ will spark up positive “conversations” between girlfriends, sorority sisters, and even retail buyers…HONEY BABY CHILD, THEY ARE THAT GOOD!!!  WAIT. I’m fully anticipating my custom made earrings that will have everyone at this April wedding “conversing” about me.  Nothing feels better than having everyone come up to you and say, “I love your earrings; where did you get them?”  And you know what my response will be, “Exclusively from the collection of “Conversation Pieces”…here’s her info….”.  Can you add me being a social butterfly, plus FAB jewelry = WINNING!  RESUME. 

At the moment, Quita and her team are in the process of creating a website; until then, you can find her on Facebook under “Shonquita Parrish”.  Check out the fan page of ‘Conversation Pieces’ on Facebook too; don’t take my word for how great the jewelry line is, go see for yourself.  Trust me, if you love my work, you are GUARANTEED to love it.  Pick up a piece for your girlfriend, bestie, soror/LS, sister, Pugh, or yourself…these are “pieces” that will initiate an ultimate “conversation”…

"Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man"

Here I was, listening to my normal musical selections at work, when I got an IM to check out the new cut by J Hud & Ne-Yo f/ Rozay; my first thought was “This is going to be HAWT!”  Needless to say, I was right; the lyrics/concept are based off the upcoming movie, “Think Like A Man”, which was inspired by the self titled book of Steve Harvey.  I’ll be the first to admit, I was one of the millions of women that went out and purchased that book (even though I can’t find that book for anything…the one moment that I REALLY need to read it..that’s another story too) and thought about following the many rules as it applies to dating.  Steve Harvey had great advice, things that I couldn’t relate to at the time but can now; for instance,

“All I'm telling you to do is to be smart about it. Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth-you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)-but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish”

This statement alone has been ringing in my ear since this past October; I believe that if I would have read this passage back them, I might not be in my feelings right now. WAIT. Yeah, let’s skip past my current feelings…once again, if I had the book, I would have saved myself crushed feelings…okay, let me breathe because I did this to myself…am I rambling?  I think so, and on that note, let me get back to the post at hand. RESUME.  From this passage, Mr. Harvey is basically saying, if a man tells you something about himself, BELIEVE HIM!  If he tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, trust me, HE DOESN’T!  If he states that he wants to go slow, you go slow…try not to CATCH feelings; it will surely hurt later down the road when those feelings try to surface (once again, I KNOW….smdh @ myself…UGH!)  Most of the time, we as women, have to learn the hard way; I think it’s just the way of life. 

Now, there has been a constant battle in my mind about really liking this concept of “Acting Like a Lady, Yet Thinking Like A Man”; think about it…It can be difficult at times to act like a true lady (I have a few slip words at times, I don’t like stockings or under slips, and I often show a little too much cleavage) and THEN you want me to THINK like a man…Child, that is too much, all meshed together.  Men can be simple, yet complex creatures; just like a woman can be.  So, where do you find a common balance for it all?  Can you find a common balance for it all?  Should you find a common balance for it all?  Questions, huh?  Okay, so you still don’t think that it’s difficult to “Act Like A Woman, Yet Think Like A Man”; let’s look at the two different verses/mindsets of J Hud & Ne-Yo

J Hud

“Why you call me your dream bed
And foolish of me I believe that
You said every king needs his queen babe
That's why you needed me baby
Right in between lost and love
You go and mess things up
Now there's no we babe
There's just you and there's me baby

There was us, there was trust
There was happen and change, I know
Silly you, silly me, silly us, what i've wait”

Ne-Yo

“Now I'm gonna keep it realer with you now that I ever been
Wish we would never been, girl we was better friends
You didn't had to tell me, what went right and when
Um why I didn't need it,
Cause you wasn't my girlfriend, we had a good thing
You were a combining hitting, ooh give me that good thang
Then after we were finished,
You go your way, I go my way, it was whatever
Tell me what ever happens
Think this wanna gonna be better
And now i'm telling you lies,
All because I hate to see the tears in your eyes
Of course I want my cake, and needed too, i'm a guy

And of course, you don't understand,
But you would if you thought like a man in love”

Okay, so here’s my thing, J Hud is actually admitting that she had feelings for this guy; in her mind, they were working toward being a couple.  She followed behind the words that he spoke to her….BIG MISTAKE!  Words are just that…words; what did his actions say?  While acting like a lady, did J Hud take the time to think like a man?  Probably not…  Just take a look at Ne-Yo’s verse; he cuts right down to the chase…he felt that they shouldn’t have been anymore than friends.  He didn’t want to know anything about anything because he really didn’t consider her his girlfriend. WAIT. Back this thing up for a minute…if he says that they should have never been, how does that connect to “you wasn’t my girlfriend”.  Did he just tell her that they were something to shut her up and continue to get the “pink cookies”?  I don’t know…see, I’m trying to think like a man, but my lady thoughts keep coming in…LOL! RESUME. 

BOTTOM LINE:  I can understand why ladies should try to assess relationship situations with the mindset of a man, but I don’t know if many of us are designed that way.  Here I am, sitting here thinking that maybe I should have considered my current situation like a man.  I have asked myself plenty of times throughout the course of this week if I made the fatal mistake of not thinking like a man; my answer, NAW…in life, you live, you learn, and you look to move forward.  I’m still a work in process and this barrier is no different…I just wish that I could have foreseen the future to save myself the heartache of catching feelings, when I was only supposed to stay in the “friend” line…Dang it, silly me, but at least I was honest with myself….what more can I ask for????

this creole Guillory will have to dig deep in her soul to understand this one….

SMH @ Dating....

Why didn’t anyone tell me that DATING sucks?  Shouldn’t there be a handbook that gives you play by play instructions of what to do in certain situations?  Where is my fairy godmother that grants me the opportunity to dance with my prince charming, and we dance our lives away….instead, I am stuck with guys who have whack approaches, lame excuses, and nothing going for themselves. WAIT. Now, let’s not get this confused with my friendship with Roll Tide; he and I are still in the developing stage, with a few dates here and there.  Trust me, that’s another chapter within itself…*sighs and crawls under my office desk* RESUME.   

I haven't had the best of chances with dating lately; take for instance this guy I was talking to, WWF. He seemed like he had a nice complete package….  CHRISTIAN (CHECK), JOB(check), HOUSE/APARTMENT (check), EDUCATION/TRAINING (check), NO KIDS (check; even though I would date a guy with 1 or 2), CAR (check, check, & check…hey, I dated a guy with no car and TRUST ME, it wasn’t a good sight), 36 (check…why do I like them older; *blank stare*).  Now, this list from the outside looking in sounds good, right….WRONG!  He wasn’t the guy for me for two reasons:

1.       He was too possessive/controlling...I received almost 20 text messages from him while at work (these are the messages that I would get when I didn’t return his text message).  For example, a typical text convo would go like this:

Him: Hey, WYD...

Me: Nothing, working...

Him: What are you working on….

Him: HELLO (2 minutes later)....

Him: Are you upset with me (5 minutes later)

Him: Why are you ignoring me?  Are you talking to another guy? (6 minutes later)...

Me: What????

Him: I was just playing with you…

Now, we all know that he wasn’t playing and anything further would have been a disaster for anything serious between us.

2.       He never wanted to date me; and by that I mean, he always wanted me to come to his place. STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!  I will not be going to your place and you surely won’t be coming to mine.  For some reason, some modern day men think that house dates are dates…NOPE!  Demetria Lucas, my personal life coach/fav author, always preaches that house dates aren’t dates; it’s simply staying home and watching movies.  Don’t get me wrong, if you guys have been dating for a while and have been on PLENTY of dates outside of the house….then, do a dinner and movie night at home.  With WWF, I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me…WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANT TO COME TO YOUR PLACE; YOU MIGHT KILL ME!!!! UGH.  WWF couldn’t seem to understand that one, so I had to distance myself from him!

Here’s the thing…I know that dating won’t always be easy….so here are few things to remember when dating:

1.       Learn to date a variety of men;  think about going outside of the norm for you.  It will surely help you narrow your ultimate list down.

2.       Try online dating; many people turn their noses up at online dating, but it isn’t that bad.  Just like any other form of dating, you will have to weed out the good, bad, and ugly. 

3.       Remain true to yourself; if you don’t feel like you are ready to get back out there, take some time to regain the confidence, but try not to take TOO long( the right one could be right in front of your face and you miss out).

4.       Laugh at the small stuff; you won’t be compatible with EVERY guy you met, so laugh off the things that just don’t make sense (trust me, there will be moments like that…I KNOW! Lol….)

5.       Dating will be fully what you make it to be; my experiences will be totally different from those of my sisters, besties, and strangers.

I’ll tell you a little secret….I am actually wanting Roll Tide to ask me to go exclusive(even though I don’t know if that will happen)…WAIT. Do people still say “go steady”, “court me”, “become exclusive”…did I just sound older than I really am???  What is really going on with me???? RESUME. I happen to really like my friend and my dating experiences are making me want to build my wall right back up and focus on other things…One thing I do know is that I won’t pressure/push someone to realize that I’m a good catch….so, in the meantime and between time, I will just continue to work on myself, love life, and keep my CRAZY dating pool open(for now….).   

{Guest Post} Guy Code by James Jones

A female friend of mine asked in a text: “…don’t you all have the SAME damn guy code handbook?”…I’m guessing this was in response to some guy saying something stupid to her…

My first reaction was to laugh out loud… and I don’t mean “lol”… I mean literally LAUGH OUT LOUD!  But after a couple seconds of thought, I began to worry… Do women really think that there is some secret code or handbook and all guys read from the same one???

Code? Maybe;   Handbook? Maybe;   All guys reading from the same one?  I can see how it seems that way at times, but it’s absolutely untrue.  Ha, maybe we should though.  The old notion that all men are dogs, or all men are only out for one thing is so untrue.  To show this, let’s go through some types of men.  I’m not stating facts here… only opinions, from the viewpoint of a man… me.

1. The Momma’s Boy (Remixed) The Momma’s boy is usually thought of as the guy that all women want.  Yes indeed, he loves his mother, and because of that he knows how to treat a lady…right?  But have you ever thought of a “Momma’s Boy Remixed”???  The remixed version loves his mother and ONLY his mother.  He puts his mother on a pedestal above all other women and subconsciously vows to NEVER treat another woman the same way.  Actually, just to prove that his mother is the greatest, he makes an effort to let all women he comes in contact with know that they are only sub-standard to his beloved mother.   The Momma’s Boy (Remixed)

2. The Momma’s Boy (Traditional):  The guy you do want.  The guy who feels that his mother is an example for all woman, and that all women should be treated as such.  This man will walk through the fire and leave pure destruction in his wake in order to honor and protect his mother, AND…he will do the same for the significant woman in his life.  This is the “Momma’s Boy” you all know and/or have heard about…I urge you to be careful to not get tied up with the “Remixed” version.

3. The Man’s Man:  Everybody loves this guy… Think of Ray Lewis’ Old Spice commercial... “Women want me, men wanna be me, and bears wanna learn to talk like me…”  That pretty much sums up the man’s man.  Even men love to be around this guy, because he can’t seem to lose with the women, he knows the best drinks at the bar, he seems to know all the bouncer’s at the most popular clubs, he always seems to have endless money in his pocket, and he is a genius at any game played with cards (and women)… in general this guy has everything that every other guy is reaching for, and men strive to learn from and generally be like this guy.  Women cannot resist the man’s man until they find out that he doesn’t like to shower every day, his underwear sometimes have stains in them, and he will do anything in order for her to shut the f*ck up so that he can enjoy his beer and watch the d*mn game.  The Man’s Man.

4.  The Friend:  Guys hate this dude, but women love him.  Indeed, he doesn’t care about watching the game… He cares more about her feelings and sharing his own with her.  Sounds good right?  Maybe, until she come’s home from a long day at work, new promotion, something new and kinky Secret from Victoria, a body full of heat and desire, and all this friendly guy wants to do is talk.  Yes, indeed, The Friend has sensitive feelings too and you need to sit your ass down and listen to him.  Hmmm… The Friend

5. The Gamer:  He likes Madden, NBA 2K*, big screen tv’s, surround sound, an excellent internet connection, and a lil sex every now and then would hurt… The Gamer

Of course there are endless types, and we could go on for weeks about them… but the point of this is just to show that there is no “Guy Code Handbook”… In general guys don’t even like each other, and our pride would make us feel like we were lowering ourselves if we went by some code that ALL OTHER GUYS “ go by…well maybe the “Man’s Man” has a code that we all wouldn’t mind learning something from…except he can keep the dirty drawers and the non-shower days…hahaha.  I would never tell a woman to settle for anything, but I would say this:  Realize that there is no perfect person out there.  I’m a man and I can say we all say and do dumb ~ish sometimes.  You just have to decide what things you are willing to put up with and what things you are not willing to put up with.  If you are looking for perfection, I’ll just say “Good Luck and Godspeed”.

James Jones…  Don’t Judge Me… I’m Just On Some Other ~Ish… Indeed

MLK/Founder's Day Weekend: DEUCES Edition....

My MLK/Founder's Day weekend was a blast; surprise parties, youth basketball games, football playoffs, and lots of laughs with great friends.  As usual, Doc and I decided to treat ourselves to one of our “spots”; I must say that I am NEVER disappointed when we get together.  Besides noticing a handsome waiter (by the way, I thought I knew him, but we ended up talking and I realized that I didn’t know him…guess he just had one of those faces….can we say “cutie run”), Doc and I decided once again to compose a list.  This list happens to be, what we call, The DEUCES edition…now, you can see “deuces” in two ways: a.)meaning two, or b.) goodby; or as Chris Brown says it, something that you chuck up….So, here you go, Random Things that Guys Say (you know that’s still NOT the original title….smh if you thought so! This is not in any order)

1.       Ain’t nothing wrong with being Number 2. WAIT.  I mean really?  Do you really think we desire to be Number 2?  DEUCES!

2.       I’m going to get my divorce for free; you know they have a government assistance program. WAIT.  *crickets*  DEUCES!

3.       You know I’m in love with you….and if I didn’t have a wife and 4 kids, you know it would be me and you.  WAIT. Reality check:  You aren’t Michael J. Fox and we aren’t filming “Back To the Future, HBCU Experience.  DEUCES!

4.       It’s really me, not you…. WAIT.  How old are you and this line?  DEUCES!

5.       I can take care of you & her.  WAIT.  Is this “her” your daughter; if not, maybe you aren’t talking to me.  DEUCES!

BONUS

6.       I’m a former adult star, and you STILL won’t give me the time of day.  WAIT. What does your former choice of career have to do with us being a couple?  DEUCES!

7.       Her: What is this that I “found” in your bathroom storage?  Him: Huh?  Her:  Why is this adult toy wrapped up in a towel, with your personal hair on it?  Him: Oh, that’s my ex’s… Her:  Didn’t you guys break up last year?  WAIT.  *blank stare* DEUCES!

8.       Her: Why are we spending time together on this small, round “pallet”, when there are 2 mattresses stacked against the wall? Him: Oh, those?  Well, those are my brother’s…. WAIT.  Did he just say that? *picks up purse and leaves* DUECES!

Every time we hear something amazingly funny that a guy says to a female, Doc & I have to create a list; trust me, we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.  I guarantee you that you will sit there and think, “Dang, (insert name here) said something similar to me…I need to tell this one.”  Here’s the thing, we know that females say some crazy things; I’m am seriously thinking of asking my 5 Guys to give me a list of things that females have said to them….hey, I might even have to take the question to Facebook….

5 GUYS....My Male Besties

Has there ever been a moment when you were with the guy of your dreams, and you know what your current title is with him, yet you wish it were more?  Have you ever accepted the title, yet hate when people ask “So, is this your girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband”; especially when you desire a title as such?  Or how about when your best guy friend begins to date someone, and you have to shake the chick to her senses and say “I am only his best friend…nothing more or less; trust me, I only give sound advice.”  Well, guess what:  I have been there, done that, and currently live that.  The war between “boo” versus “best friend” can go either way….let me introduce you to my 5 male best friends.  They each represent something different in my life, each one necessary.

1.       G- He is my brother; he knows almost EVERYTHING about me…I think.  He is the one that gives me advice on life, guys, career, and outfits(ha…can you believe that one!).  He is the one that laughs at the crazy things I say, think, and do…He is my Number 1 Guy Best Friend(well, human being…God is definitely FIRST).  He is the Eddie to my Laura (Family Matters); they may fight or diss each other, but they always had each other’s back.

2.       Skater- He is my adoptive brother; we have known each other since 05; he would be the second guy that I go to for advice on life, guys, careers, and sports.  He is a tad bit older than I, but we seem to click on so many levels and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.  He has a way with words; sort of like a younger version of Billy Dee Williams…really, he is! 

3.       II G- He has been around since our early college days; he at Morehouse, me at Lane.  I would say that he and I are the Bonnie and Clyde of best friends; he knows what I am going to say before I say it and vice versa.  It amazes me that we have such a strong bond at times (I say at times because he knows that he can push a button or two).

4.       Titan- He is one that gives me comical advice, straight, no chaser(most of the time, it’s something that I had just said to myself).  Our vibe is an instant one; one that can’t really be described, but I know that I can always count on him to be there.  We have so many things in common; he is the kind of best friend that you cherish because you know there aren’t too many out like him.

5.       Dodge- He is the best friend that you dream of building a continued future with; the one that makes you laugh about the craziest things.  The one that you know you can be totally free with, without worrying about life when he’s around.  He is the kind of best friend that you couldn’t see yourself living without.  He is an amazing person with self-admission flaws, and that’s what makes him simply “crazysexycool”.

So, as you can see, I have been truly blessed to have these guys in my corner; asking which two actually described the case in points above….well, IIG is the best friend that dated someone who didn’t want him to have female best friends.  It was quite funny, actually, because he and I hadn’t experienced that one before.  Normally, he would tell his “boo” about all of his female best friends/sisters/stakeholders in his life and she would be super cool with it; I mean really, to know IIG, you have to understand that he tends to overlook critical pieces about women.  He needs us, and at times, we need him…the things that he goes through, help to keep us on our toes…YIKES!!!!! WAIT. This is too funny to even discuss; I think I am going to be in trouble once he reads this…however, ask me if I care.  The truth is the TRUTH….it might even help him get a few numbers….LMBO!  What am I saying….okay, that last statement will get me an angry best friend phone call tonight….Oh well! RESUME.  Now, Dodge, on the other hand is the one guy that I get mistaken for as my “boo”; whenever we go out in public, we always get that question.  I always smile and say something in my head (something that I wouldn’t tell anymore but him) and wait for him to make the correction.   I still get mixed emotions each time, but I’ve learned to roll with all punches.  Hey, this isn’t Burger King, and I can’t have it my way.

Well, there you have it...a small overview of my experience with “boo” versus “best friend”…it might not always be pretty between me and these fellas, but I am SO THANKFUL that they stepped up to the challenge that God gave to them: BEING THIS GUILLORY’S MALE BEST FRIEND.  It’s not always easy, but someone has to do it….and it might as well be them!!!!