Tuesday, January 24, 2012

{Guest Post} Guy Code by James Jones

A female friend of mine asked in a text: “…don’t you all have the SAME damn guy code handbook?”…I’m guessing this was in response to some guy saying something stupid to her…
My first reaction was to laugh out loud… and I don’t mean “lol”… I mean literally LAUGH OUT LOUD!  But after a couple seconds of thought, I began to worry… Do women really think that there is some secret code or handbook and all guys read from the same one???
Code? Maybe;   Handbook? Maybe;   All guys reading from the same one?  I can see how it seems that way at times, but it’s absolutely untrue.  Ha, maybe we should though.  The old notion that all men are dogs, or all men are only out for one thing is so untrue.  To show this, let’s go through some types of men.  I’m not stating facts here… only opinions, from the viewpoint of a man… me.

1. The Momma’s Boy (Remixed) The Momma’s boy is usually thought of as the guy that all women want.  Yes indeed, he loves his mother, and because of that he knows how to treat a lady…right?  But have you ever thought of a “Momma’s Boy Remixed”???  The remixed version loves his mother and ONLY his mother.  He puts his mother on a pedestal above all other women and subconsciously vows to NEVER treat another woman the same way.  Actually, just to prove that his mother is the greatest, he makes an effort to let all women he comes in contact with know that they are only sub-standard to his beloved mother.   The Momma’s Boy (Remixed)
2. The Momma’s Boy (Traditional):  The guy you do want.  The guy who feels that his mother is an example for all woman, and that all women should be treated as such.  This man will walk through the fire and leave pure destruction in his wake in order to honor and protect his mother, AND…he will do the same for the significant woman in his life.  This is the “Momma’s Boy” you all know and/or have heard about…I urge you to be careful to not get tied up with the “Remixed” version.
3. The Man’s Man:  Everybody loves this guy… Think of Ray Lewis’ Old Spice commercial... “Women want me, men wanna be me, and bears wanna learn to talk like me…”  That pretty much sums up the man’s man.  Even men love to be around this guy, because he can’t seem to lose with the women, he knows the best drinks at the bar, he seems to know all the bouncer’s at the most popular clubs, he always seems to have endless money in his pocket, and he is a genius at any game played with cards (and women)… in general this guy has everything that every other guy is reaching for, and men strive to learn from and generally be like this guy.  Women cannot resist the man’s man until they find out that he doesn’t like to shower every day, his underwear sometimes have stains in them, and he will do anything in order for her to shut the f*ck up so that he can enjoy his beer and watch the d*mn game.  The Man’s Man.
4.  The Friend:  Guys hate this dude, but women love him.  Indeed, he doesn’t care about watching the game… He cares more about her feelings and sharing his own with her.  Sounds good right?  Maybe, until she come’s home from a long day at work, new promotion, something new and kinky Secret from Victoria, a body full of heat and desire, and all this friendly guy wants to do is talk.  Yes, indeed, The Friend has sensitive feelings too and you need to sit your ass down and listen to him.  Hmmm… The Friend
5. The Gamer:  He likes Madden, NBA 2K*, big screen tv’s, surround sound, an excellent internet connection, and a lil sex every now and then would hurt… The Gamer

Of course there are endless types, and we could go on for weeks about them… but the point of this is just to show that there is no “Guy Code Handbook”… In general guys don’t even like each other, and our pride would make us feel like we were lowering ourselves if we went by some code that ALL OTHER GUYS “ go by…well maybe the “Man’s Man” has a code that we all wouldn’t mind learning something from…except he can keep the dirty drawers and the non-shower days…hahaha.  I would never tell a woman to settle for anything, but I would say this:  Realize that there is no perfect person out there.  I’m a man and I can say we all say and do dumb ~ish sometimes.  You just have to decide what things you are willing to put up with and what things you are not willing to put up with.  If you are looking for perfection, I’ll just say “Good Luck and Godspeed”.


James Jones…  Don’t Judge Me… I’m Just On Some Other ~Ish… Indeed

Thursday, January 19, 2012

MLK/Founder's Day Weekend: DEUCES Edition....

My MLK/Founder's Day weekend was a blast; surprise parties, youth basketball games, football playoffs, and lots of laughs with great friends.  As usual, Doc and I decided to treat ourselves to one of our “spots”; I must say that I am NEVER disappointed when we get together.  Besides noticing a handsome waiter (by the way, I thought I knew him, but we ended up talking and I realized that I didn’t know him…guess he just had one of those faces….can we say “cutie run”), Doc and I decided once again to compose a list.  This list happens to be, what we call, The DEUCES edition…now, you can see “deuces” in two ways: a.)meaning two, or b.) goodby; or as Chris Brown says it, something that you chuck up….So, here you go, Random Things that Guys Say (you know that’s still NOT the original title….smh if you thought so! This is not in any order)
1.       Ain’t nothing wrong with being Number 2. WAIT.  I mean really?  Do you really think we desire to be Number 2?  DEUCES!
2.       I’m going to get my divorce for free; you know they have a government assistance program. WAIT.  *crickets*  DEUCES!
3.       You know I’m in love with you….and if I didn’t have a wife and 4 kids, you know it would be me and you.  WAIT. Reality check:  You aren’t Michael J. Fox and we aren’t filming “Back To the Future, HBCU Experience.  DEUCES!
4.       It’s really me, not you…. WAIT.  How old are you and this line?  DEUCES!
5.       I can take care of you & her.  WAIT.  Is this “her” your daughter; if not, maybe you aren’t talking to me.  DEUCES!

BONUS
6.       I’m a former adult star, and you STILL won’t give me the time of day.  WAIT. What does your former choice of career have to do with us being a couple?  DEUCES!
7.       Her: What is this that I “found” in your bathroom storage?  Him: Huh?  Her:  Why is this adult toy wrapped up in a towel, with your personal hair on it?  Him: Oh, that’s my ex’s… Her:  Didn’t you guys break up last year?  WAIT.  *blank stare* DEUCES!
8.       Her: Why are we spending time together on this small, round “pallet”, when there are 2 mattresses stacked against the wall? Him: Oh, those?  Well, those are my brother’s…. WAIT.  Did he just say that? *picks up purse and leaves* DUECES!

Every time we hear something amazingly funny that a guy says to a female, Doc & I have to create a list; trust me, we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.  I guarantee you that you will sit there and think, “Dang, (insert name here) said something similar to me…I need to tell this one.”  Here’s the thing, we know that females say some crazy things; I’m am seriously thinking of asking my 5 Guys to give me a list of things that females have said to them….hey, I might even have to take the question to Facebook….

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

5 GUYS....My Male Besties

Has there ever been a moment when you were with the guy of your dreams, and you know what your current title is with him, yet you wish it were more?  Have you ever accepted the title, yet hate when people ask “So, is this your girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband”; especially when you desire a title as such?  Or how about when your best guy friend begins to date someone, and you have to shake the chick to her senses and say “I am only his best friend…nothing more or less; trust me, I only give sound advice.”  Well, guess what:  I have been there, done that, and currently live that.  The war between “boo” versus “best friend” can go either way….let me introduce you to my 5 male best friends.  They each represent something different in my life, each one necessary.

1.       G- He is my brother; he knows almost EVERYTHING about me…I think.  He is the one that gives me advice on life, guys, career, and outfits(ha…can you believe that one!).  He is the one that laughs at the crazy things I say, think, and do…He is my Number 1 Guy Best Friend(well, human being…God is definitely FIRST).  He is the Eddie to my Laura (Family Matters); they may fight or diss each other, but they always had each other’s back.
2.       Skater- He is my adoptive brother; we have known each other since 05; he would be the second guy that I go to for advice on life, guys, careers, and sports.  He is a tad bit older than I, but we seem to click on so many levels and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.  He has a way with words; sort of like a younger version of Billy Dee Williams…really, he is! 
3.       II G- He has been around since our early college days; he at Morehouse, me at Lane.  I would say that he and I are the Bonnie and Clyde of best friends; he knows what I am going to say before I say it and vice versa.  It amazes me that we have such a strong bond at times (I say at times because he knows that he can push a button or two).
4.       Titan- He is one that gives me comical advice, straight, no chaser(most of the time, it’s something that I had just said to myself).  Our vibe is an instant one; one that can’t really be described, but I know that I can always count on him to be there.  We have so many things in common; he is the kind of best friend that you cherish because you know there aren’t too many out like him.
5.       Dodge- He is the best friend that you dream of building a continued future with; the one that makes you laugh about the craziest things.  The one that you know you can be totally free with, without worrying about life when he’s around.  He is the kind of best friend that you couldn’t see yourself living without.  He is an amazing person with self-admission flaws, and that’s what makes him simply “crazysexycool”.

So, as you can see, I have been truly blessed to have these guys in my corner; asking which two actually described the case in points above….well, IIG is the best friend that dated someone who didn’t want him to have female best friends.  It was quite funny, actually, because he and I hadn’t experienced that one before.  Normally, he would tell his “boo” about all of his female best friends/sisters/stakeholders in his life and she would be super cool with it; I mean really, to know IIG, you have to understand that he tends to overlook critical pieces about women.  He needs us, and at times, we need him…the things that he goes through, help to keep us on our toes…YIKES!!!!! WAIT. This is too funny to even discuss; I think I am going to be in trouble once he reads this…however, ask me if I care.  The truth is the TRUTH….it might even help him get a few numbers….LMBO!  What am I saying….okay, that last statement will get me an angry best friend phone call tonight….Oh well! RESUME.  Now, Dodge, on the other hand is the one guy that I get mistaken for as my “boo”; whenever we go out in public, we always get that question.  I always smile and say something in my head (something that I wouldn’t tell anymore but him) and wait for him to make the correction.   I still get mixed emotions each time, but I’ve learned to roll with all punches.  Hey, this isn’t Burger King, and I can’t have it my way.

Well, there you have it...a small overview of my experience with “boo” versus “best friend”…it might not always be pretty between me and these fellas, but I am SO THANKFUL that they stepped up to the challenge that God gave to them: BEING THIS GUILLORY’S MALE BEST FRIEND.  It’s not always easy, but someone has to do it….and it might as well be them!!!!