Thursday, January 19, 2012

MLK/Founder's Day Weekend: DEUCES Edition....

My MLK/Founder's Day weekend was a blast; surprise parties, youth basketball games, football playoffs, and lots of laughs with great friends.  As usual, Doc and I decided to treat ourselves to one of our “spots”; I must say that I am NEVER disappointed when we get together.  Besides noticing a handsome waiter (by the way, I thought I knew him, but we ended up talking and I realized that I didn’t know him…guess he just had one of those faces….can we say “cutie run”), Doc and I decided once again to compose a list.  This list happens to be, what we call, The DEUCES edition…now, you can see “deuces” in two ways: a.)meaning two, or b.) goodby; or as Chris Brown says it, something that you chuck up….So, here you go, Random Things that Guys Say (you know that’s still NOT the original title….smh if you thought so! This is not in any order)
1.       Ain’t nothing wrong with being Number 2. WAIT.  I mean really?  Do you really think we desire to be Number 2?  DEUCES!
2.       I’m going to get my divorce for free; you know they have a government assistance program. WAIT.  *crickets*  DEUCES!
3.       You know I’m in love with you….and if I didn’t have a wife and 4 kids, you know it would be me and you.  WAIT. Reality check:  You aren’t Michael J. Fox and we aren’t filming “Back To the Future, HBCU Experience.  DEUCES!
4.       It’s really me, not you…. WAIT.  How old are you and this line?  DEUCES!
5.       I can take care of you & her.  WAIT.  Is this “her” your daughter; if not, maybe you aren’t talking to me.  DEUCES!

6.       I’m a former adult star, and you STILL won’t give me the time of day.  WAIT. What does your former choice of career have to do with us being a couple?  DEUCES!
7.       Her: What is this that I “found” in your bathroom storage?  Him: Huh?  Her:  Why is this adult toy wrapped up in a towel, with your personal hair on it?  Him: Oh, that’s my ex’s… Her:  Didn’t you guys break up last year?  WAIT.  *blank stare* DEUCES!
8.       Her: Why are we spending time together on this small, round “pallet”, when there are 2 mattresses stacked against the wall? Him: Oh, those?  Well, those are my brother’s…. WAIT.  Did he just say that? *picks up purse and leaves* DUECES!

Every time we hear something amazingly funny that a guy says to a female, Doc & I have to create a list; trust me, we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.  I guarantee you that you will sit there and think, “Dang, (insert name here) said something similar to me…I need to tell this one.”  Here’s the thing, we know that females say some crazy things; I’m am seriously thinking of asking my 5 Guys to give me a list of things that females have said to them….hey, I might even have to take the question to Facebook….

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