Thursday, March 1, 2012

"Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man"

Here I was, listening to my normal musical selections at work, when I got an IM to check out the new cut by J Hud & Ne-Yo f/ Rozay; my first thought was “This is going to be HAWT!”  Needless to say, I was right; the lyrics/concept are based off the upcoming movie, “Think Like A Man”, which was inspired by the self titled book of Steve Harvey.  I’ll be the first to admit, I was one of the millions of women that went out and purchased that book (even though I can’t find that book for anything…the one moment that I REALLY need to read it..that’s another story too) and thought about following the many rules as it applies to dating.  Steve Harvey had great advice, things that I couldn’t relate to at the time but can now; for instance,
All I'm telling you to do is to be smart about it. Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth-you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)-but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish
This statement alone has been ringing in my ear since this past October; I believe that if I would have read this passage back them, I might not be in my feelings right now. WAIT. Yeah, let’s skip past my current feelings…once again, if I had the book, I would have saved myself crushed feelings…okay, let me breathe because I did this to myself…am I rambling?  I think so, and on that note, let me get back to the post at hand. RESUME.  From this passage, Mr. Harvey is basically saying, if a man tells you something about himself, BELIEVE HIM!  If he tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, trust me, HE DOESN’T!  If he states that he wants to go slow, you go slow…try not to CATCH feelings; it will surely hurt later down the road when those feelings try to surface (once again, I KNOW….smdh @ myself…UGH!)  Most of the time, we as women, have to learn the hard way; I think it’s just the way of life. 
Now, there has been a constant battle in my mind about really liking this concept of “Acting Like a Lady, Yet Thinking Like A Man”; think about it…It can be difficult at times to act like a true lady (I have a few slip words at times, I don’t like stockings or under slips, and I often show a little too much cleavage) and THEN you want me to THINK like a man…Child, that is too much, all meshed together.  Men can be simple, yet complex creatures; just like a woman can be.  So, where do you find a common balance for it all?  Can you find a common balance for it all?  Should you find a common balance for it all?  Questions, huh?  Okay, so you still don’t think that it’s difficult to “Act Like A Woman, Yet Think Like A Man”; let’s look at the two different verses/mindsets of J Hud & Ne-Yo
J Hud
Why you call me your dream bed
And foolish of me I believe that
You said every king needs his queen babe
That's why you needed me baby
Right in between lost and love
You go and mess things up
Now there's no we babe
There's just you and there's me baby

There was us, there was trust
There was happen and change, I know
Silly you, silly me, silly us, what i've wait

Ne-Yo
Now I'm gonna keep it realer with you now that I ever been
Wish we would never been, girl we was better friends
You didn't had to tell me, what went right and when
Um why I didn't need it,
Cause you wasn't my girlfriend, we had a good thing
You were a combining hitting, ooh give me that good thang
Then after we were finished,
You go your way, I go my way, it was whatever
Tell me what ever happens
Think this wanna gonna be better
And now i'm telling you lies,
All because I hate to see the tears in your eyes
Of course I want my cake, and needed too, i'm a guy
And of course, you don't understand,
But you would if you thought like a man in love
Okay, so here’s my thing, J Hud is actually admitting that she had feelings for this guy; in her mind, they were working toward being a couple.  She followed behind the words that he spoke to her….BIG MISTAKE!  Words are just that…words; what did his actions say?  While acting like a lady, did J Hud take the time to think like a man?  Probably not…  Just take a look at Ne-Yo’s verse; he cuts right down to the chase…he felt that they shouldn’t have been anymore than friends.  He didn’t want to know anything about anything because he really didn’t consider her his girlfriend. WAIT. Back this thing up for a minute…if he says that they should have never been, how does that connect to “you wasn’t my girlfriend”.  Did he just tell her that they were something to shut her up and continue to get the “pink cookies”?  I don’t know…see, I’m trying to think like a man, but my lady thoughts keep coming in…LOL! RESUME. 
BOTTOM LINE:  I can understand why ladies should try to assess relationship situations with the mindset of a man, but I don’t know if many of us are designed that way.  Here I am, sitting here thinking that maybe I should have considered my current situation like a man.  I have asked myself plenty of times throughout the course of this week if I made the fatal mistake of not thinking like a man; my answer, NAW…in life, you live, you learn, and you look to move forward.  I’m still a work in process and this barrier is no different…I just wish that I could have foreseen the future to save myself the heartache of catching feelings, when I was only supposed to stay in the “friend” line…Dang it, silly me, but at least I was honest with myself….what more can I ask for????

this creole Guillory will have to dig deep in her soul to understand this one….

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