I thought that it would be a friendship to last until the end of time; a friendship that could possibly blossom to a fulfilling relationship; a friendship that I would cherish forever….BOY, I was wrong. Let me first start by saying that I am so thankful for the friendship and experience; I don’t know if it’s one that I would like to have again, but it surely taught me something. Here’s the thing: I lived in a fantasy world; I wanted something that I clearly couldn’t have. No, I’m not talking about him being married, having a girlfriend, or anything of that nature; I mean he might not have been emotionally ready. To be honest, I have battling for a while to even write the words…doesn’t it seem like when you see them on paper, they tend to become more of a reality.
Take for instance, “Just Wright”(the movie)…remember in the beginning when Leslie (Queen Latifah’s character) went out on a date with Mark Matthews ( Laz Alonso’s character) and everything seemed to be going GREAT…until she mentioned the magical words…”Let’s hang out again”. He quickly shot out, “I’m not emotional ready” and “You’re good people”, when just moments ago, he was feeding her off of his fork and showing her quite a bit of emotions. WAIT. For a while, I have mirrored my life as me being Leslie Wright because of Mr. Game Plan; thinking that my Mr. Wrong had to surely come first in order for Mr. Game Plan, ie “Scott McKnight”, to take notice later down the road…and you see where that got me. Now, here, a year later and it looks like Coach has become Mark Matthews; how did this even happen? Where was I when all of this was going on? Did I really live in “la la” land this WHOLE TIME???? Dang it…UGH! RESUME.
My mind is so confused, I am struggling for words to even discuss this; how could I have not seen the signs? I know….BECAUSE THEY WERE IN FRONT OF MY EYES, YET HIDDEN. Okay, so you ask how can that be so; well, I saw what I wanted. I have always heard people say “Actions speak louder than words”…a statement that I lived by until now. He was attentive and caring, a man’s man; he was all that I felt that I needed and wanted in a guy…yet, he TOLD me that he wanted to take things slow and have a friendship…BUT he showed signs that he really liked me. WAIT. It looks like I READ WAY TOO MUCH into the actions…dang relationship advice…*shakes my head*. RESUME. My emotions have gotten the best of me; I have pondered, debated, questioned, and challenged our last conversation together. I may never fully understand why I wasn’t the top pick for the Coach; 9 times out of 10, I’m not supposed to know. I truly believe that God gave me the desires of my heart for a reason; He placed the Coach in my life to show me that there are some good men out there, with qualities that I need and even want…however, the Coach wasn’t meant for me. Whenever we have doubt about what God can do, He will show you that He is still in control. To say that my faith in being found by real love is restored is an UNDERSTATEMENT; I fully believe that Mr. Right will be “Just Wright” for me….
So, before I end this emotional piece, I have compiled a list of things to remember when your “Mr. Right Now” doesn’t choose you:
1. Believe that God has a better plan for your life…The Coach wasn’t the one for me, but he taught me to never be anyone that I am not. If I had done anything differently with the Coach, I wouldn’t have been true to myself or him. Meeting and dating him was NOT by mistake, nor was it a mistake.
2. Continue to build your brand…Brands, to me, are movements that impact lives; the best brand to build is yourself. Each day, we have to show and sell our brand to those we met; some will invest and others will walk away…but guess what: There will be that one person that will be committed to investing a LIFETIME in your brand, so continuing developing the brand that God has given you.
3. LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE….I have said this once before, but LIVE life to the fullest, LAUGH even when you can’t, and LOVE with no regret (okay, so maybe those aren’t the exact words I said before, but you get the drift…LOL).
4. Dust your feet off and get back to dating…I won’t allow this one unique experience to stop me from my dating life; 6 months is a long time to know someone, and I just have to store those 6 months in a different file and start a new folder. If I ever write a book, this chapter would be called, “My Like Affair with the Coach”
5. Make a playlist of songs that will get you through….My playlist had sad songs, anthems, and gospel tracks. Here is a brief list of some songs that I had (and sometimes still do) on REPEAT:
a. “Rolling in the Deep”-Adele
b. “I Was Here”-Beyonce
c. “I’ve Been That Girl” & “Break Down These Walls”-Melanie Fiona
d. “Hurts Like Hell”-Aretha Franklin
e. “My Testimony” Marvin Sapp
f. “Thing Called Us”-Hamilton Park
g. “Good Enough”-Jazmine Sullivan
h. “Just The Lonely Talking Again”-Whitney Houston
i. “Great is Your Mercy”-Donnie McClurkin
k. “Will I Ever”-Lyfe Jennings
this creole guillory is awaiting to write the next chapter; this time, i will make sure to allow God to be the author and i’ll be the co-author