Over the generations, many best friends have found the
courage to support each other and stand together during the test of times. As kids, you agree to marriage if you each
haven’t found a love by 18. Little do
you know, life won’t always go as you planned.
See, when I was in college, I strongly remember saying that I would be: 1) Married by 25; 2) Have children by 30; 3)
Become majorly successful by 35….guess what????? Number 1 & 2 haven’t happened yet (well, I have been proposed to twice by the
same guy…and you see how that turned out.), but I am very much on my way
for Number 3 (Success for me is now
measured by the God I serve, the Family I have, and the Friends I keep…). Okay, back to the story…so, my good friend,
Mr. Law School, and I discussed our dating options back in the late part of
2012 and we concluded that we didn’t have much luck in that department
separately. It wasn’t a secret that we
both wanted to find fulfilling relationships, ones that would stand against the
realistic statistics of marriage. I
can’t speak for him, but I want something that is built to last….sure, there
will be moments that it might seem that it will give out on me, but I want
something that will never stop fighting until the end. So, one night while I was venturing out to
the mall, I received a phone call from Mr. Law School. He was telling me about one of his current
situations with a woman and it didn’t sound “everlasting” WAIT. I’ve always told him that he dates
women that are TOO DANG young for him.
Here is what they ALMOST ALWAYS end up pursuing in life: an LPN
license. Now, don’t get me wrong, there
is NOTHING wrong with that profession/field, but how is it that ALL of the
chicks he’s dated have ALL the SAME goals…..Doesn’t that seem crazy? We talked about that each time, and every new
relationship had that similar factor.
After a while, I could only chuckle inside. RESUME. Somehow, the subject of marriage comes up and
we decide that if neither of us is married by 35, we will make that commitment
to each other. The agreement was we
would check in when we were 30, date at 33, engagement at 34, and married at
35. Sounds like a great plan,
right? To most, it seems like the ideal
situation….he talked about being a lawyer and I would be a writer, so our professional
lives would be set (We are both pursuing those goals). We had once dated WAY
BACK in the day and seemed to always remain friends, so our love life history
was set. However, I was starting to gain
perspective that history will NEVER become present; it will always REMAIN
HISTORY!
{Fast Forward to
2014}
For some odd reason in January & February, March 2014
would appear to be a HORRIBLE month for me (Don’t ask….too much to even try to
catch you up). I hadn’t talked to Mr.
Law School in a while due to our busy schedules. Well, as God would have it, it was Mr. Law
School’s birthday month and I didn’t want to miss out and not send wishes to
him. Through text messages, I sent my
love and he informed me that he would be coming home at the end of the
month. I won’t lie, I was a bit excited
to see him, but I didn’t put any expectations in there. Before the conversation could really jump
off, it took a turn LEFT
Him: You know
something? I learned a lot in law school and that deal we had, it can be
enforced in court as valid
Me: Wait…what deal? *
Of course I know, but I was shocked he remembered*
Him: You forgot….and
on my birthday, nonetheless. I should
make you conform to the terms set.
Me: Naw, I didn’t
forget…just didn’t think you remembered that discussion
Him: Mrs. Law School
Me: I’m not your
type, remember….
Him: No, just not my
perfect girl….doesn’t mean you aren’t my type
Me: That’s my point…I
want to be someone’s perfect girl. At least HIS perfect girl
It was at that very moment that I realized that this
arrangement would never work for me…not because I wouldn’t be happy to invest
my life with someone that I’ve known for many years OR capture memories with my
heart. Simply put, it wouldn’t work
because I’m not his perfect girl. Many
great relationships are based off solid things, such as the foundation,
chemistry, trust, love, and a few other things.
If you are lacking in any of those areas, the relationship has the
chance to be tarnished, damaged, or broken apart. During that conversation, I never doubted Mr.
Law School’s loyalty to our contract; however, the grounds on which it was set
were wrong from the start. You can’t
grow to love someone in a relationship. WAIT. Okay, you can grow to love someone,
but those tend to sometimes have an underlying resentment nested
somewhere. I don’t want to grow to love
my future husband…I want to be able to express my love for him daily, without
it being counterfeit. I would love for
my feelings to be “written all over my face”, so “I won’t have to say a
word”(Thanks Rude Boyz & Gerald Levert).
Arranged marriages aren’t for everyone…and it surely isn’t for ME!
RESUME. We ended the text by
entertaining some meeting while he’s in town and I am hopeful that we will see
each other. It will be at that time that
I tell him we should 86 the ideal of marriage between us and I’ll encourage him
to find his “perfect” girl. Love is a
grand thing and I think we should all pursue our definition of it. One thing’s for sure…I’m looking forward to
actual meeting his perfect girl. I
wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t have a profession in nursing J
Lessons Learned from Mr. Law School
1.
NEVER
agree to an arranged marriage of ANY kind if you are a hopeless & helpless
romantic. Trust me, it does nothing
for your emotional state and it could save you a trip to your local therapist.
2.
Don’t
RUSH what is bound to happen in your life. Love is like coffee…it needs time to
BREW. Weak coffee is either brewed too
long or not enough. A great cup of
coffee is brewed in an exact amount and sometimes uses other substances to
sweeten the taste.
3.
FOCUS on
the things around you. You could be
missing out on blessings, simply because you are missing the bigger picture.
4.
Continue
to LOVE who you were (Past), who you are (Present), and who you are becoming
(Future). Those three different
stages might intermingle at some point, but always know the difference. Learning to appreciate each stage will be
appreciation well within itself.
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